I had a bit of a realization today, as I sat watching Nights in Rodanthe while eating homemade french toast. I have built this huge emotional barrier around myself. Some of this has stemmed from a traumatic time in my childhood, but I realized today that a good part of it has risen since Dad died last year.
I am scared. I am so scared to let anyone close enough to me to care about them, because it hurts so much when you lose them. I've always joked that if I ever got married it would be to "superman" because he would leap my emotional "great wall of china" in a single bound. But sadly, I think its true. I won't give anyone the chance. I've had chances, and I frozen. I've balked. I've given in to fear and doubt. And all that I was left with was regret.
Seeing Adrienne's character in Nights in Rodanthe fall in love with an amazing man, only to lose him before they really had begun was heartbreaking. Yet, even in her grief over this loss she has the courage to share with her teenage daughter that there is love out there that makes you a better person, a stronger person, simply because of your love and the love you receive in return. And she tells her daughter that she wants her to know that she can have that kind of love, and tells her to hold out for it.
Right now, I don't know where my next step will take me. I'm in Ohio, and beginning to feel a little more grounded here. But is this temporary, just another layover in my chaotic life? Am I too afraid to set down roots? To let myself become attached? I was attached to the farm but I knew also that it was time to go, to stretch out beyond that to see what lies ahead. But now that God has led me here, I feel like a fog bank has rolled in. I felt like I wouldn't have trouble finding a job, and right now if it hadn't been for Andy's sister needing a part time sitter, I wouldn't be able to pay next months rent.
God may know the plans he has for me, but right now I wish he'd let me in on the secret.

Ohio Renaissance Festival

Today Jenny and I ventured south to Dayton, OH to the Ohio Renaissance Festival. It was a beautiful day, in the 80's, and the sun was shining. The trees had turned beautiful colors and everything was pretty much awesome!

We walked into the Festival and one of the first "characters" and people for that matter, that we see is Guido Crescendo, 1/2 of the team that makes up "The Swordsmen" whom we had seen before in WI at the Bristol Renaissance Faire. So one of the first things we did was see their show, since it was just about to start. It was a great way to start. They were WAY funnier than I remember them being. "What Ho!"

Then we continued to explore their faire grounds, as neither of us had been there before, and I stumbled upon leather mask shop where I bought a leather mask that was designed with an oak leaf over one eye and painted a brown color.

After that we continued to peruse and came across a clothing store called Boss Wench, where Jenny and I were fitted and then proceeded to purchase a pair of Underbust, steel boned corsets. (Mine is red, Jenny's is purple). (YAY!!!!!) (And while we were being fitted we got to {at least} hear the Pipers and Drums group that was there we believe all the way from Scotland) Then we walked to find something to drink because it was pretty hot outside. We saw lots of yummy men in tights :D Got to see a man dressed all in black (even a black hood) and a gold goblins mask (classical venetian style) play the Carillon Bells in an really cool, display
http://renfestival.com/index.php?page=entertainment
He was new to the faire this year. After that we located some beef stew served in bread bowls, and continued to meander. We saw a genteman play the glass harmonica, a hammer dulcimer, a Irish quartet that played drums, guitar, bodhran and sang... I love the music that you get to experience at a Ren Faire.
One of the places we stopped (of course) was an armory, where everything they make they forge. It was pretty dark cool. I got to hold a mongolian blade that was designed to take off a rider's headafter while on horseback, and jenny got to hold a more asian (as in Kitana feeling) blade that I forget the name. I also got complimented by one of the male clerks. Apparently he had been giving me the once over and when I correctly handed the female clerk back the sword, he said "madam, I approve." To which I said, thank you.

After a Woodchuck (on draft) and a Harps beer for Jenny accompianied by cheesy curly fries, we meandered some more before the park closed and we left. We may possibly be returning next weekend, as it is the very last weekend for this season. :( Ah well, it was an excellent day! Even if I did get a little sunburnt.

Fall = Pie Season

So, I am getting ready to make pies for a local church's silent auction. I signed up on my very first sunday attending. It's a small United Methodist church in Marengo, OH and I felt very welcomed my first sunday. And my 2nd as well. Anyway, I signed up to make 2 pies for them for their men's hog roast dinner. Well, that's this saturday...so that means I may be making pies while doped up on codene :D Because I am getting my broken wisdom tooth pulled on Wednesday.

So at this point I am going to make (probably) a total of 3 pies: (because Jenny wants one for us to enjoy).
At this point I am debating over Apple or Pumpkin for one of the pies. The other is going to be a pecan...either that or I'll end up with 4 pies, and take 3 to the church and do 1 Apple, 1 Pumpkin & 2 Pecan...

This is fun! I pulled out my favorite cookbook last night to find the recipes and see what I would need for their "never fail pie crust" (It lives up to it's name).

Right now I'm in the listing mode, and I'll probably go and buy ingredients tomorrow. I also need to find at least 3 disposable pie tins (which is proving hard to find without a pre-made pie crust in it already...) (and I don't do pre-made crusts. I make my own!)

So on the list we have:
Butter
Molasses
Vanilla
Flour
Pecan Halves & Pieces
Sugar
1 Can Pumpkin (15oz)
1 can Condensed Milk (14oz)
Ground Cinnamon
Ground Nutmeg
Ground Ginger
Disposable Pie tins
Vinegar
and 6 large Granny Smith or Jonathan Apples

A Sneak Peak

I will be unveiling more details about this as November comes closer. During the month of November I have been (for the last several years) attempting the mad challenge that is National Novel Write Month. What that is, is sitting down and attempting to write a 50,000 word novel in 30 days. To this date I have not succeeded in my attempts. My closest was reaching the 50,000 mark 2 weeks late.
Anyway this year I am taking a challenge handing to me by my sister-in-love, Katie, to write a story geared for my Niece and Nephews (10, 8 & 7). And so I decided to pull a "Lewis Carroll" and write a story about my Niece and Nephews. So, they are and will be my MC's (main characters). Anyway, the rules of NaNoWriMo state that you can do your planning in advance but you are not allowed to put "pen to paper" (so to speak), until November 1st. So, I have begun my pre-planning. And for me that involves drawing pictures of my country, naming things, drawing pictures of my MC's and other characters in the story.
So, here is a little sneak peak at "Promethia's Children,"

Here is the Island Nation of Promethia.

And here is Princess Carissa (approximately age 17-18 in the story)

Her brother, Prince Nicholas.

Her other younger brother, Prince Andrew.

And the Lady who becomes a good friend of her's, Lady Tanya Magnus

I hope you like the pictures. And remember this is just a sneak peak. I sincerely hope and plan to post much more about the story come November!