Monday Afternoon Musings

Have you ever tried to just seek out solitude?  Even now, as I hide away in the Basement of the Gathering Place, the silence is not absolute.  I can hear the scrape of a chair the thump of feet from the floor above me.

And today, that isn't quite what I wanted.  However, at the same point, I give thanks for the quiet.  That I could find this spot where I could sit and read and think and write.  How much more can we ask in this life?

Rene Descartes, the 17th Century French Philosopher said, "I think therefore, I am."  This thought, that our very conscious thoughts are what make us different from the animals that live around us has been one that I studied while in school.  Though I mainly studied literature.  I think, in part, that he got at least a sliver of the truth.  But it is the truth of who gave us the ability to think, to reason, to realize our own mortality that gives us our identity.  Or rather, I should.

I love the Japanese animator, Hayao Miyazaki.  One of the films that he has worked on is called "Tales from Earthsea" and in this film they speak of the balance of life (it is based off of the best selling fantasy series written by Ursula Le Guin.)  When I watched it the main thing that stood out to me was that fact.  They speak of life as sacred.  But they also remind us that only to "Men" (the race) is it given that we shall die.

And this is true.  We alone have the consciousness of life's brevity.  It is over so soon.  In my case, I felt that with my Father's death almost 2 years ago.  Yet I cannot remember raging at God.  Demanding that he explain himself.  Why me?  Why my family?  Why my Father?  I saw through this trial, this storm, my Father grow closer to the savior than I had seen him before.  I watched my Father and my Mother kneeling at the foot of their bed praying together.  And who am I to not count that a blessing?

My Father is waiting for me in Heaven, this I know, and I look forward to the day that I can throw my arms around his neck once again.

I mentioned in my previous post that I have been reading "One Thousand Gifts" by Ann Voskamp.  And I may have made mention in this post some of the things that her writing has urged on in me.  All I know is that for the first time in a long time, I am writing/journaling again.  I have never done this consistently.  And I know that I will not post consistently, or that my thoughts will always be profound, but I want to share my learning and my thoughts with others.  And I can in this way.

I want to experience the beauty and the glory of God.  In some ways it does seem easier here at the Fort.  I feel as though the window through to God is not as opaque here, where the water and the sky reflect blue.  Where the Loons cry their beautiful, mournful cry and the sound of water lapping agaisnt the shoreline can keep you company.

And you have given me this for the whole year, Lord!  I get to experience your beauty and majesty in nature for nine whole months!  I simply cannot wait for Fall to arrive with the colors changing in the trees and the cooler evenings and fires in the Hearth Room.  Oh how wonderful it will be.

But for now, I must stop.  For I must return to the kitchen to finish the final preparations for Dinner this evening.  For we are blessed to be feeding over 300 people, campers and staff included.  And this usually keeps us on our toes!

Monday August 13th, 2012

I am reading "One Thousand Gifts" by Ann Voskamp and through her words, through the pictures that she paints with words, through the cry of her heart that I hear in her words, I feel an echoing cry in my own.

I long for beauty, to merge with it.  To live a life of grace, faith and compassion.  But how do we go about that in this, a very broken world?

Let me try to begin: Lord, I thank you and I praise you! For you heard my cry.  You answered me, in my worry you have given me peace.  For I know that you led me to where you wanted me.  That you have guided my steps.  Forgive my worry and doubts, Lord.

I know, in my head that you have had my good in the palm of your hand my entire life.  Even what I would have called Ugly, you have made Beautiful!

And now you have called me to work in a place that is beautiful, a place where I seem to be better able to hear you, a place that I have grown to love and appreciate over the last three months.  I thank you Lord, for you have (once again) dealt abundantly with me.

Even just reading Ann's book has evoked in me a response of longing.  A recording of gifts, of blessings from you.  (I am currently on 100.  I will continue to 1,000 and beyond).

So very much has happened in my life, and yet you have so much more, and so much greater, planned for me in the coming years.  O Lord, continue to draw me to you.  I want to seek the Beauty that is you!  As Ann chased after a Harvest moon, Lord I would chase after you.

Grant me the fortitude to make good this claim, made in an hour of quiet with few distractions.  As I move into this, a new chapter in my life, help me to make the choices, to make the right decisions to follow after you.

Last night in our staff Bible Study, Michael Lane was speaking about "Devotional Amplification," Lord, help me to find the place where I can come to you, a place that is Consecrated between us.  Both for while I am here and for the future.

For you love me.  "You have searched me and you know me, you knwo when I sit downa nd when I rise up; you search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways." (Psalm 139:1-3)

But, Lord, I don't know you nearly as well as I could.  Help me to be All Eyes.  To see through your lens.  Not my own.