I just watched Blanchine's The Nutcracker on Public Television and while this isn't the exact same dancers...this is by far my favorite dance from the whole ballet. The Grand pas de deux from act 2.
I hope you enjoy it!
http://youtu.be/bBih0X_Cdn0
Unfortunately, I can't seem to get it to show the video within my post...so please copy the link and watch it on Youtube.com for it is a wonderful version of the Grand pas de deux...
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Photos to fuel dreams
I did a search online for pictures of Capernwray Hall...these are a few that I found. I can only hope that they continue to fuel my dreams...
A View of the Park
The First Step
I've been spending some time talking with Lauren (my roommate's sister-in-law, whose boys I look after 3 days a week), when she gets home from work. Anyway, in connection with talking we've hit on some deep topics. And I'm drawn back to a comment that a friend made this last summer. She said to me, "you can't keep putting your life on hold for other people."
Well, I will admit that this has kind of haunted me a bit. However, the last 6 months I really feel as though I have been following God's will for my life, and he has been leading me through some pretty amazing adventures. However, I also feel as though I have lost a little bit of what I had when I started this adventure back in June. Well, really when
I left Fort Wilderness on July 8th. I really felt that I had grown significantly spiritually, and I had felt so much peace over the direction that my life was taking during that time. Even though I was about to fly off to Houston for 7 weeks, and then move to Ohio, I felt I was following the direction that God had laid out for me.
Being in Ohio is definitely different than being back home. And not in a bad way. I am here to help out a friend, but this is also giving me the opportunity to explore myself a little further. I am far away from my family, and while I am somewhat focused on Jenny, since she is why I am here, I've been examining some things about my life.
It's strange, now that I am not at home, not at camp, etc. I've been having to think more about what I want. What do I want to do? Who do I want to be? Where do I want to be 5 years from now? Those sort of questions. And while I still do not have an answer to just about all of them, Something that Lauren said today really triggered a thought. She and her husband, Paco, were going through something similar a few years ago. They didn't quite know what to do, but they decided to just start with something. So they went back to school. They just graduated, and so now they can think about the next step. But this made me think, maybe I'll just have to figure out MY first step.
And in thinking about that, I came back to Capernwray Hall. I heard about Capernwray while I was up at Fort Wilderness this summer. It is a bible school located in Lancashire England, just south of the Lake District. It is housed in an 19th century manor house. It is a Bible school founded by the Torchbearer's association. They have three different time periods that students can come to study, 5 months (september-March), 3 months (April-June) or 9 months (both fall and spring terms).
I loved the place that I was when I left Fort Wilderness, spiritually. I felt very grounded and filled by the bible teaching I had received there. Since coming away, I've slipped away from a great deal of that. And I miss it. So, I think that my first step is I want to go to Capernwray Hall. I don't know which length of stay I want to do. I don't think that I would be able to afford to stay for all 9 months. I would have to have a visa as well. If I stayed for 3-5 I wouldn't need a visa and I would be in-country long enough to feel that I was there for a decent period of time. I'd really love to be there over autumn, so I think that I would want to go for the 5 month stay...
I still don't know how I'd afford it, I'll have to look into a few things. Do you think that people would donate money to help me go? How would you go about raising the funds to do something like this. When I ran the cost through the conversion chart the cost of the winter school (septermber-March) was around $8,000.
Until then, I think I may have a direction...for now.
Well, I will admit that this has kind of haunted me a bit. However, the last 6 months I really feel as though I have been following God's will for my life, and he has been leading me through some pretty amazing adventures. However, I also feel as though I have lost a little bit of what I had when I started this adventure back in June. Well, really when
I left Fort Wilderness on July 8th. I really felt that I had grown significantly spiritually, and I had felt so much peace over the direction that my life was taking during that time. Even though I was about to fly off to Houston for 7 weeks, and then move to Ohio, I felt I was following the direction that God had laid out for me.
Being in Ohio is definitely different than being back home. And not in a bad way. I am here to help out a friend, but this is also giving me the opportunity to explore myself a little further. I am far away from my family, and while I am somewhat focused on Jenny, since she is why I am here, I've been examining some things about my life.
It's strange, now that I am not at home, not at camp, etc. I've been having to think more about what I want. What do I want to do? Who do I want to be? Where do I want to be 5 years from now? Those sort of questions. And while I still do not have an answer to just about all of them, Something that Lauren said today really triggered a thought. She and her husband, Paco, were going through something similar a few years ago. They didn't quite know what to do, but they decided to just start with something. So they went back to school. They just graduated, and so now they can think about the next step. But this made me think, maybe I'll just have to figure out MY first step.
And in thinking about that, I came back to Capernwray Hall. I heard about Capernwray while I was up at Fort Wilderness this summer. It is a bible school located in Lancashire England, just south of the Lake District. It is housed in an 19th century manor house. It is a Bible school founded by the Torchbearer's association. They have three different time periods that students can come to study, 5 months (september-March), 3 months (April-June) or 9 months (both fall and spring terms).
I loved the place that I was when I left Fort Wilderness, spiritually. I felt very grounded and filled by the bible teaching I had received there. Since coming away, I've slipped away from a great deal of that. And I miss it. So, I think that my first step is I want to go to Capernwray Hall. I don't know which length of stay I want to do. I don't think that I would be able to afford to stay for all 9 months. I would have to have a visa as well. If I stayed for 3-5 I wouldn't need a visa and I would be in-country long enough to feel that I was there for a decent period of time. I'd really love to be there over autumn, so I think that I would want to go for the 5 month stay...
I still don't know how I'd afford it, I'll have to look into a few things. Do you think that people would donate money to help me go? How would you go about raising the funds to do something like this. When I ran the cost through the conversion chart the cost of the winter school (septermber-March) was around $8,000.
Until then, I think I may have a direction...for now.
Friday, November 18, 2011
“I will have nothing to do with a God who cares only occasionally. I need a God who is with us always, everywhere, in the deepest depths as well as the highest heights. It is when things go wrong, when good things do not happen, when our prayers seem to have been lost, that God is most present. We do not need the sheltering wings when things go smoothly. We are closest to God in the darkness, stumbling along blindly.”
~ Madeleine L'Engle
Oh God, I am in the darkness, stumbling along blindly. Filled with pain and sadness. Life is just so unfair. Who out there in the cosmos decides who gets Pancreatic cancer and who doesn't? Who successfully comes through a lung transplant and who doesn't? Why does it hurt so much? Why do I feel as though I am taking the loss of Tony worse than the loss of my own Father? Has it all just snowballed and this is the final, damp conclusion? I don't even know anymore.
Last year, on September 21st my Father lost his battle against Pancreatic Cancer. And this last Tuesday on November 15th Tony Roth lost his battle against his new lungs.
His funeral is on Saturday, and I am so incredibly torn. I want to be there. He was almost a second father to me, for as short a period of time as I knew him. I KNOW that my sister Rose considered him her second father. She and Johnny celebrated their 1 year anniversary just a little over a month ago. So within almost a month on either side of their anniversary they have the anniversary of their Father's deaths. How much does that suck.
I was all set to drive to Chicago tomorrow (from Central OH) and hitch a ride with my brother, his family and my mother. But then I have to choose, do I want to be there now? Or do I want to be able to spend a longer period of time with my family over thanksgiving. I can't afford to do both. AND IT SUCKS!
It sucks that you realize that someone meant so much more to you than you had thought only when they are no longer with you. And as much as I try right now, to picture Tony up in Heaven with Daddy I'm left with a knot in my throat and a headache from crying. I didn't cry this much when Dad died. Why am I crying so much now?
With Dad, when Mom told me, I think that it was almost a sense of relief that I felt. I had been there, watching him slowly disappear. The Cancer had taken so many things away from him. In the end it left him lying on a hospital bed in our dining room.
That last night, he was semi-concious and was moaning, terribly afraid and alone in his suffering. During my watch, I sat by his bed, and held his hand and read to him from the Psalms just so that he could hear my voice and know that I was there with him.
I didn't get to say goodbye to Tony. At least I was able to have Dad tell me that he loved me one last time before he slipped away from us.
I've been reading lately, trying to figure myself out. Even before I was told that Tony was as bad as he was, I was struggling. I was sitting in a funk. I didn't want to write, I didn't want to be around people, I didn't really want anything. I just wanted to be left alone in a bubble. So I picked up Madeleine L'Engle's A Circle of Quiet and began to read where I had left off. I also started to reread the chronicling of another woman's journey to find peace and balance within herself (Eat, Pray, Love).
I went to the Delaware Resevoir and sat on the end of the boat ramp and read as the crisp autumn wind tore at my hair and made me wish I had a scarf on. Then I returned, and stood on the end of the same boat ramp and was buffeted by winds with gusts of up to 40 mph while singing into the wind and the waves. I sang the Lord's Prayer, How Great Thou Art and It is Well.
I found quotes from some of my favorite authors (Madeleine predominately) that seemed to strike upon the precice string of my feelings, like a harpist plucking a melody out of her instrument.
But tonight, as I am realizing that I won't be there for my sister this Saturday, none of that is making me feel any better.
Yet, even as I laugh bitterly at these, they still inspire me and speak to me through a language that I do not understand. I am standing here, crying out to God: I am here, what did you design me for? What is it that you want me to be doing? Who did you design me to be?
Event though I do not hear anything, he is speaking to me. Though I may choose not to listen at this time. He has knit me together in my mother's womb. I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
So, tonight I write this for Tony Roth and for my Father, Bill Wetherington. I loved you both, a lot. And I regret that I didn't have the time to show you what you meant to me. I miss you both so much, and I can only pray that someday we will all be together again. Until then, I can only hope that God will continue to speak to me through whatever vessels he chooses. And I will try to listen.
“It's hard to let go anything we love. We live in a world which teaches us to clutch. But when we clutch we're left with a fistful of ashes.”
~ Madeleine L'Engle, A Ring of Endless Light
"Our truest response to the irrationality of the world is to paint or sing or write, for only in such response do we find truth." ~Madeleine L'Engle
“The unending paradox is that we do learn through pain.” ~ Madeleine L'Engle
“Maybe you have to know the darkness before you can appreciate the light.”
~ Madeleine L'Engle, A Ring of Endless Light
“Believing takes practice.” ~ Madeleine L'Engle, A Wrinkle in Time
“We are all strangers in a strange land, longing for home, but not quite knowing what or where home is. We glimpse it sometimes in our dreams, or as we turn a corner, and suddenly there is a strange, sweet familiarity that vanishes almost as soon as it comes.”
~ Madeleine L'Engle
“It's a good thing to have all the props pulled out from under us occasionally. It gives us some sense of what is rock under our feet, and what is sand.”
~ Madeleine L'Engle
“We have to be braver than we think we can be, because God is constantly calling us to be more than we are.”
~ Madeleine L'Engle
“We turn to stories and pictures and music because they show us who and what and why we are.”
~ Madeleine L'Engle
“I saw Eternity the other night,
Like a great ring of pure and endless light,
All calm, as it was bright,
And round beneath it, Time, in hours, days, years,
Driven by the spheres,
Like a vast shadow moved, in which the world
And all her train were hurled.” ~Henry Vaughn
“There is in God, some say,
A deep but dazzling darkness: as men here
Say it is late and dusky, because they
See not all clear.
O for that Night, where I in him
Might live invisible and dim.” ~ Henry Vaughn
“Like it or not, we either add to the darkness of indifference and out-and-out evil which surrounds us or we light a candle to see by.”
~ Madeleine L'Engle
“Faith is what makes life bearable, with all its tragedies and ambiguities and sudden, startling joys.”
~ Madeleine L'Engle, Walking on Water: Reflections on Faith and Art
“How long your closet held a whiff of you,
Long after hangers hung austere and bare.
I would walk in and suddenly the true
Sharp sweet sweat scent controlled the air
And life was in that small still living breath.
Where are you? since so much of you is here,
Your unique odour quite ignoring death.
My hands reach out to touch, to hold what's dear
And vital in my longing empty arms.
But other clothes fill up the space, your space,
And scent on scent send out strange false alarms.
Not of your odour there is not a trace.
But something unexpected still breaks through
The goneness to the presentness of you.”
~ Madeleine L'Engle, The Ordering of Love: The New and Collected Poems of Madeleine L'Engle
“George MacDonald gives me renewed strength during times of trouble--times when I have seen people tempted to deny God--when he says, "The Son of God suffered unto death, not that men might not suffer, but that their sufferings might be like his.”
~ Madeleine L'Engle, Walking on Water: Reflections on Faith and Art
“It is not always on the great or the important that the balance of the universe depends.”
~ Madeleine L'Engle
“Our whole business therefore in this life is to restore to health the eye of the heart whereby God may be seen.”
― St. Augustine of Hippo
“No wonder our youth is confused and in pain; they long for God, for the transcendent, and they are offered, far too often, either piosity or sociology, neither of which meets their needs, and they are introduced to churches which have become buildings that are a safe place to go to escape the awful demands of God.”
~ Madeleine L'Engle, A Circle of Quiet
I salute you. I am your friend and my love for you goes deep. There is nothing I can give you which you have not got. But there is much, very much, that while I cannot give it, you can take. No heaven can come to us unless our hearts find rest in today. Take heaven! No peace lies in the future which is not hidden in this present little instance. Take peace! The gloom of the world is but a shadow. Behind it, yet within our reach, is joy. Take joy! Life is so full of meaning and purpose, so full of beauty . . . that you will find earth but cloaks your heaven. Courage then to claim it, that is all! . . . And so I greet you, with profound esteem and with the prayer that for you, now and forever, the day breaks and the shadows flee away.
"Letter to a Friend" by Fra Giovanni, 1513
“If there ever comes a day when we can’t be together, keep me in your heart, I’ll stay there forever.” ~Winnie the Pooh
Piglet: How do you spell love?
Pooh: You don’t spell it, you feel it.
“The cure for anything is salt water – sweat, tears or the sea.” (I took this one from Anna's pinterest board. Don't know the author)
Love me when I deserve it the least, that’s when I really need it. ~Swedish Proverb
All the chisels I've dulled carving idols of stone
That have crumbled like sand 'neath the waves.
I've recklessly built all my dreams in the sand just to watch, them all wash away.
Through another day, another trial, another chance to reconcile
To one who sees past all I see.
And reaching out my weary hand I pray that you'd understand
You're the only one who's faithful to me.
All the pennies I've wasted in my wishing well
I have thrown like stones to the sea.
I have cast my lots, dropped my guard, searched aimlessly for a faith
To be faithful to me.
Through another day, another trial, another chance to reconcile
To one who sees past all I see.
And reaching out my weary hand I pray that you'd understand
You're the only one who's faithful to me.
You're the only one who's faithful to me.
~Jenifer Knapp "Faithful to Me"
Don’t know how it is You looked at me
And saw the person that I could be
Awakening my heart
Breaking through the dark
Suddenly Your grace
Like sunlight burning at midnight
Making my life something so
Beautiful, beautiful
Mercy reaching to save me
All that I need
You are so
Beautiful, beautiful
Now there’s a joy inside I can’t contain
But even perfect days can end in rain
And though it’s pouring down
I see You through the clouds
Shining on my face
Like sunlight burning at midnight
Making my life something so
Beautiful, beautiful
Mercy reaching to save me
All that I need
You are so
Beautiful, beautiful
I have come undone
But I have just begun
Changing by Your grace
Like sunlight burning at midnight
Making my life something so
Beautiful, beautiful
Mercy reaching to save me
All that I need
You are so
Beautiful, beautiful
~Francesca Battistelli "Beautiful Beautiful"
To whoever makes it through all of my quotations, thank you. I needed to say this, for myself. For Tony. And most of all for my Daddy.
~ Madeleine L'Engle
Oh God, I am in the darkness, stumbling along blindly. Filled with pain and sadness. Life is just so unfair. Who out there in the cosmos decides who gets Pancreatic cancer and who doesn't? Who successfully comes through a lung transplant and who doesn't? Why does it hurt so much? Why do I feel as though I am taking the loss of Tony worse than the loss of my own Father? Has it all just snowballed and this is the final, damp conclusion? I don't even know anymore.
Last year, on September 21st my Father lost his battle against Pancreatic Cancer. And this last Tuesday on November 15th Tony Roth lost his battle against his new lungs.
His funeral is on Saturday, and I am so incredibly torn. I want to be there. He was almost a second father to me, for as short a period of time as I knew him. I KNOW that my sister Rose considered him her second father. She and Johnny celebrated their 1 year anniversary just a little over a month ago. So within almost a month on either side of their anniversary they have the anniversary of their Father's deaths. How much does that suck.
I was all set to drive to Chicago tomorrow (from Central OH) and hitch a ride with my brother, his family and my mother. But then I have to choose, do I want to be there now? Or do I want to be able to spend a longer period of time with my family over thanksgiving. I can't afford to do both. AND IT SUCKS!
It sucks that you realize that someone meant so much more to you than you had thought only when they are no longer with you. And as much as I try right now, to picture Tony up in Heaven with Daddy I'm left with a knot in my throat and a headache from crying. I didn't cry this much when Dad died. Why am I crying so much now?
With Dad, when Mom told me, I think that it was almost a sense of relief that I felt. I had been there, watching him slowly disappear. The Cancer had taken so many things away from him. In the end it left him lying on a hospital bed in our dining room.
That last night, he was semi-concious and was moaning, terribly afraid and alone in his suffering. During my watch, I sat by his bed, and held his hand and read to him from the Psalms just so that he could hear my voice and know that I was there with him.
I didn't get to say goodbye to Tony. At least I was able to have Dad tell me that he loved me one last time before he slipped away from us.
I've been reading lately, trying to figure myself out. Even before I was told that Tony was as bad as he was, I was struggling. I was sitting in a funk. I didn't want to write, I didn't want to be around people, I didn't really want anything. I just wanted to be left alone in a bubble. So I picked up Madeleine L'Engle's A Circle of Quiet and began to read where I had left off. I also started to reread the chronicling of another woman's journey to find peace and balance within herself (Eat, Pray, Love).
I went to the Delaware Resevoir and sat on the end of the boat ramp and read as the crisp autumn wind tore at my hair and made me wish I had a scarf on. Then I returned, and stood on the end of the same boat ramp and was buffeted by winds with gusts of up to 40 mph while singing into the wind and the waves. I sang the Lord's Prayer, How Great Thou Art and It is Well.
I found quotes from some of my favorite authors (Madeleine predominately) that seemed to strike upon the precice string of my feelings, like a harpist plucking a melody out of her instrument.
But tonight, as I am realizing that I won't be there for my sister this Saturday, none of that is making me feel any better.
Yet, even as I laugh bitterly at these, they still inspire me and speak to me through a language that I do not understand. I am standing here, crying out to God: I am here, what did you design me for? What is it that you want me to be doing? Who did you design me to be?
Event though I do not hear anything, he is speaking to me. Though I may choose not to listen at this time. He has knit me together in my mother's womb. I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
So, tonight I write this for Tony Roth and for my Father, Bill Wetherington. I loved you both, a lot. And I regret that I didn't have the time to show you what you meant to me. I miss you both so much, and I can only pray that someday we will all be together again. Until then, I can only hope that God will continue to speak to me through whatever vessels he chooses. And I will try to listen.
“It's hard to let go anything we love. We live in a world which teaches us to clutch. But when we clutch we're left with a fistful of ashes.”
~ Madeleine L'Engle, A Ring of Endless Light
"Our truest response to the irrationality of the world is to paint or sing or write, for only in such response do we find truth." ~Madeleine L'Engle
“The unending paradox is that we do learn through pain.” ~ Madeleine L'Engle
“Maybe you have to know the darkness before you can appreciate the light.”
~ Madeleine L'Engle, A Ring of Endless Light
“Believing takes practice.” ~ Madeleine L'Engle, A Wrinkle in Time
“We are all strangers in a strange land, longing for home, but not quite knowing what or where home is. We glimpse it sometimes in our dreams, or as we turn a corner, and suddenly there is a strange, sweet familiarity that vanishes almost as soon as it comes.”
~ Madeleine L'Engle
“It's a good thing to have all the props pulled out from under us occasionally. It gives us some sense of what is rock under our feet, and what is sand.”
~ Madeleine L'Engle
“We have to be braver than we think we can be, because God is constantly calling us to be more than we are.”
~ Madeleine L'Engle
“We turn to stories and pictures and music because they show us who and what and why we are.”
~ Madeleine L'Engle
“I saw Eternity the other night,
Like a great ring of pure and endless light,
All calm, as it was bright,
And round beneath it, Time, in hours, days, years,
Driven by the spheres,
Like a vast shadow moved, in which the world
And all her train were hurled.” ~Henry Vaughn
“There is in God, some say,
A deep but dazzling darkness: as men here
Say it is late and dusky, because they
See not all clear.
O for that Night, where I in him
Might live invisible and dim.” ~ Henry Vaughn
“Like it or not, we either add to the darkness of indifference and out-and-out evil which surrounds us or we light a candle to see by.”
~ Madeleine L'Engle
“Faith is what makes life bearable, with all its tragedies and ambiguities and sudden, startling joys.”
~ Madeleine L'Engle, Walking on Water: Reflections on Faith and Art
“How long your closet held a whiff of you,
Long after hangers hung austere and bare.
I would walk in and suddenly the true
Sharp sweet sweat scent controlled the air
And life was in that small still living breath.
Where are you? since so much of you is here,
Your unique odour quite ignoring death.
My hands reach out to touch, to hold what's dear
And vital in my longing empty arms.
But other clothes fill up the space, your space,
And scent on scent send out strange false alarms.
Not of your odour there is not a trace.
But something unexpected still breaks through
The goneness to the presentness of you.”
~ Madeleine L'Engle, The Ordering of Love: The New and Collected Poems of Madeleine L'Engle
“George MacDonald gives me renewed strength during times of trouble--times when I have seen people tempted to deny God--when he says, "The Son of God suffered unto death, not that men might not suffer, but that their sufferings might be like his.”
~ Madeleine L'Engle, Walking on Water: Reflections on Faith and Art
“It is not always on the great or the important that the balance of the universe depends.”
~ Madeleine L'Engle
“Our whole business therefore in this life is to restore to health the eye of the heart whereby God may be seen.”
― St. Augustine of Hippo
“No wonder our youth is confused and in pain; they long for God, for the transcendent, and they are offered, far too often, either piosity or sociology, neither of which meets their needs, and they are introduced to churches which have become buildings that are a safe place to go to escape the awful demands of God.”
~ Madeleine L'Engle, A Circle of Quiet
I salute you. I am your friend and my love for you goes deep. There is nothing I can give you which you have not got. But there is much, very much, that while I cannot give it, you can take. No heaven can come to us unless our hearts find rest in today. Take heaven! No peace lies in the future which is not hidden in this present little instance. Take peace! The gloom of the world is but a shadow. Behind it, yet within our reach, is joy. Take joy! Life is so full of meaning and purpose, so full of beauty . . . that you will find earth but cloaks your heaven. Courage then to claim it, that is all! . . . And so I greet you, with profound esteem and with the prayer that for you, now and forever, the day breaks and the shadows flee away.
"Letter to a Friend" by Fra Giovanni, 1513
“If there ever comes a day when we can’t be together, keep me in your heart, I’ll stay there forever.” ~Winnie the Pooh
Piglet: How do you spell love?
Pooh: You don’t spell it, you feel it.
“The cure for anything is salt water – sweat, tears or the sea.” (I took this one from Anna's pinterest board. Don't know the author)
Love me when I deserve it the least, that’s when I really need it. ~Swedish Proverb
All the chisels I've dulled carving idols of stone
That have crumbled like sand 'neath the waves.
I've recklessly built all my dreams in the sand just to watch, them all wash away.
Through another day, another trial, another chance to reconcile
To one who sees past all I see.
And reaching out my weary hand I pray that you'd understand
You're the only one who's faithful to me.
All the pennies I've wasted in my wishing well
I have thrown like stones to the sea.
I have cast my lots, dropped my guard, searched aimlessly for a faith
To be faithful to me.
Through another day, another trial, another chance to reconcile
To one who sees past all I see.
And reaching out my weary hand I pray that you'd understand
You're the only one who's faithful to me.
You're the only one who's faithful to me.
~Jenifer Knapp "Faithful to Me"
Don’t know how it is You looked at me
And saw the person that I could be
Awakening my heart
Breaking through the dark
Suddenly Your grace
Like sunlight burning at midnight
Making my life something so
Beautiful, beautiful
Mercy reaching to save me
All that I need
You are so
Beautiful, beautiful
Now there’s a joy inside I can’t contain
But even perfect days can end in rain
And though it’s pouring down
I see You through the clouds
Shining on my face
Like sunlight burning at midnight
Making my life something so
Beautiful, beautiful
Mercy reaching to save me
All that I need
You are so
Beautiful, beautiful
I have come undone
But I have just begun
Changing by Your grace
Like sunlight burning at midnight
Making my life something so
Beautiful, beautiful
Mercy reaching to save me
All that I need
You are so
Beautiful, beautiful
~Francesca Battistelli "Beautiful Beautiful"
To whoever makes it through all of my quotations, thank you. I needed to say this, for myself. For Tony. And most of all for my Daddy.
Sunday, November 13, 2011
What a bleak and rimey day...
Fall is officially here, has been for a while. And in Ohio that means that the "Evil Gray" has begun to settle in for Winter. The sky becomes overcast for days at a time. Sometimes an intermitten rain falls, sometimes it is really windy, today it was relatively warm but VERY windy.
The funny thing about the weather, is that it is directly related to my mood. Lately I've been very restless, unable to feel truly comfortable and settled (I guess). What that turns into is late nights, where I'm still awake at 3am (which, as I told Pam is highly unusual for me...that late at least). That is finally followed by going to bed, and then sleeping in til noon, or like today 1pm. When I finally did peel myself out of my bed today, the only desire I had was to crawl back into it.
Yesterday it was a little chillier than today, but the sun was shining. I drove myself over to the Delaware Resevoir and made my way to a boat launch/picnic area. I actually sat on the end of the boat ramp (as it had a sort of "sidewalk" and then dropped about 3-4 feet down to the water) and enjoyed the sound of the wind whipping the water into little waves that lapped against the shore and sometimes thrashed.
All the while, I had my copy of Madeleine L'Engle's "Circle of Quiet" and I was indeed in my own little circle. I couldn't see anyone, the boat ramp dipped down so I couldn't see those people sitting in the picnic area, and until I got chilly and decided to leave there were no boats entering or exiting the water. I wanted to go back today, but ended up feeling aweful and then didn't go.
The weird thing I'm noticing is that the "Evil Gray" is beginning to make me feel apathetic. At least that is what I am blaming at the moment, until I realize who/what the real culprit is. While I wanted to go to the Resevoir today, I really just wanted to crawl back into my bed, close my eyes and shut out the world.
Those of you who know me, know that this isn't my usual behavior. I usually love being around people, spending quality time with them. But lately, I find myself longing just to be alone. To truly be alone, away from the house, away from the financial squeeze I feel like I'm under, away from everything.
Maybe that's where Madeleine comes in. In the beginning of "Circle of Quiet" she tells of her own quiet place.
Maybe that's whats happening, I've lost my sense of proportion. I also think that these last two months that I've spent here in Central Ohio have helped to settle a few of the proportions that matter the most. While I have been away from my family almost all summer, this time it has felt more real, more permanent. This summer I was floating, I was caravaning around the mid-west. I went from Northern Wisconsin to Houston Texas with little to no thought other than that was where I was suppossed to be at that time.
Now I'm feeling like I'm swimming in the ocean, and my arms are getting tired and my legs feel like lead.
I don't know what it will take to restore my true sense of proportion. But I hope it comes soon.
The funny thing about the weather, is that it is directly related to my mood. Lately I've been very restless, unable to feel truly comfortable and settled (I guess). What that turns into is late nights, where I'm still awake at 3am (which, as I told Pam is highly unusual for me...that late at least). That is finally followed by going to bed, and then sleeping in til noon, or like today 1pm. When I finally did peel myself out of my bed today, the only desire I had was to crawl back into it.
Yesterday it was a little chillier than today, but the sun was shining. I drove myself over to the Delaware Resevoir and made my way to a boat launch/picnic area. I actually sat on the end of the boat ramp (as it had a sort of "sidewalk" and then dropped about 3-4 feet down to the water) and enjoyed the sound of the wind whipping the water into little waves that lapped against the shore and sometimes thrashed.
All the while, I had my copy of Madeleine L'Engle's "Circle of Quiet" and I was indeed in my own little circle. I couldn't see anyone, the boat ramp dipped down so I couldn't see those people sitting in the picnic area, and until I got chilly and decided to leave there were no boats entering or exiting the water. I wanted to go back today, but ended up feeling aweful and then didn't go.
The weird thing I'm noticing is that the "Evil Gray" is beginning to make me feel apathetic. At least that is what I am blaming at the moment, until I realize who/what the real culprit is. While I wanted to go to the Resevoir today, I really just wanted to crawl back into my bed, close my eyes and shut out the world.
Those of you who know me, know that this isn't my usual behavior. I usually love being around people, spending quality time with them. But lately, I find myself longing just to be alone. To truly be alone, away from the house, away from the financial squeeze I feel like I'm under, away from everything.
Maybe that's where Madeleine comes in. In the beginning of "Circle of Quiet" she tells of her own quiet place.
Every so often I need OUT; something will throw me into total disproportion, and I have to get away from everybody -- away from all the people I love most in the world -- in order to regain my sense of proportion.
Maybe that's whats happening, I've lost my sense of proportion. I also think that these last two months that I've spent here in Central Ohio have helped to settle a few of the proportions that matter the most. While I have been away from my family almost all summer, this time it has felt more real, more permanent. This summer I was floating, I was caravaning around the mid-west. I went from Northern Wisconsin to Houston Texas with little to no thought other than that was where I was suppossed to be at that time.
Now I'm feeling like I'm swimming in the ocean, and my arms are getting tired and my legs feel like lead.
I don't know what it will take to restore my true sense of proportion. But I hope it comes soon.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
I had a bit of a realization today, as I sat watching Nights in Rodanthe while eating homemade french toast. I have built this huge emotional barrier around myself. Some of this has stemmed from a traumatic time in my childhood, but I realized today that a good part of it has risen since Dad died last year.
I am scared. I am so scared to let anyone close enough to me to care about them, because it hurts so much when you lose them. I've always joked that if I ever got married it would be to "superman" because he would leap my emotional "great wall of china" in a single bound. But sadly, I think its true. I won't give anyone the chance. I've had chances, and I frozen. I've balked. I've given in to fear and doubt. And all that I was left with was regret.
Seeing Adrienne's character in Nights in Rodanthe fall in love with an amazing man, only to lose him before they really had begun was heartbreaking. Yet, even in her grief over this loss she has the courage to share with her teenage daughter that there is love out there that makes you a better person, a stronger person, simply because of your love and the love you receive in return. And she tells her daughter that she wants her to know that she can have that kind of love, and tells her to hold out for it.
Right now, I don't know where my next step will take me. I'm in Ohio, and beginning to feel a little more grounded here. But is this temporary, just another layover in my chaotic life? Am I too afraid to set down roots? To let myself become attached? I was attached to the farm but I knew also that it was time to go, to stretch out beyond that to see what lies ahead. But now that God has led me here, I feel like a fog bank has rolled in. I felt like I wouldn't have trouble finding a job, and right now if it hadn't been for Andy's sister needing a part time sitter, I wouldn't be able to pay next months rent.
God may know the plans he has for me, but right now I wish he'd let me in on the secret.
I am scared. I am so scared to let anyone close enough to me to care about them, because it hurts so much when you lose them. I've always joked that if I ever got married it would be to "superman" because he would leap my emotional "great wall of china" in a single bound. But sadly, I think its true. I won't give anyone the chance. I've had chances, and I frozen. I've balked. I've given in to fear and doubt. And all that I was left with was regret.
Seeing Adrienne's character in Nights in Rodanthe fall in love with an amazing man, only to lose him before they really had begun was heartbreaking. Yet, even in her grief over this loss she has the courage to share with her teenage daughter that there is love out there that makes you a better person, a stronger person, simply because of your love and the love you receive in return. And she tells her daughter that she wants her to know that she can have that kind of love, and tells her to hold out for it.
Right now, I don't know where my next step will take me. I'm in Ohio, and beginning to feel a little more grounded here. But is this temporary, just another layover in my chaotic life? Am I too afraid to set down roots? To let myself become attached? I was attached to the farm but I knew also that it was time to go, to stretch out beyond that to see what lies ahead. But now that God has led me here, I feel like a fog bank has rolled in. I felt like I wouldn't have trouble finding a job, and right now if it hadn't been for Andy's sister needing a part time sitter, I wouldn't be able to pay next months rent.
God may know the plans he has for me, but right now I wish he'd let me in on the secret.
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Ohio Renaissance Festival
Today Jenny and I ventured south to Dayton, OH to the Ohio Renaissance Festival. It was a beautiful day, in the 80's, and the sun was shining. The trees had turned beautiful colors and everything was pretty much awesome!
We walked into the Festival and one of the first "characters" and people for that matter, that we see is Guido Crescendo, 1/2 of the team that makes up "The Swordsmen" whom we had seen before in WI at the Bristol Renaissance Faire. So one of the first things we did was see their show, since it was just about to start. It was a great way to start. They were WAY funnier than I remember them being. "What Ho!"
Then we continued to explore their faire grounds, as neither of us had been there before, and I stumbled upon leather mask shop where I bought a leather mask that was designed with an oak leaf over one eye and painted a brown color.
After that we continued to peruse and came across a clothing store called Boss Wench, where Jenny and I were fitted and then proceeded to purchase a pair of Underbust, steel boned corsets. (Mine is red, Jenny's is purple). (YAY!!!!!) (And while we were being fitted we got to {at least} hear the Pipers and Drums group that was there we believe all the way from Scotland) Then we walked to find something to drink because it was pretty hot outside. We saw lots of yummy men in tights :D Got to see a man dressed all in black (even a black hood) and a gold goblins mask (classical venetian style) play the Carillon Bells in an really cool, display
http://renfestival.com/index.php?page=entertainment
He was new to the faire this year. After that we located some beef stew served in bread bowls, and continued to meander. We saw a genteman play the glass harmonica, a hammer dulcimer, a Irish quartet that played drums, guitar, bodhran and sang... I love the music that you get to experience at a Ren Faire.
One of the places we stopped (of course) was an armory, where everything they make they forge. It was pretty dark cool. I got to hold a mongolian blade that was designed to take off a rider's headafter while on horseback, and jenny got to hold a more asian (as in Kitana feeling) blade that I forget the name. I also got complimented by one of the male clerks. Apparently he had been giving me the once over and when I correctly handed the female clerk back the sword, he said "madam, I approve." To which I said, thank you.
After a Woodchuck (on draft) and a Harps beer for Jenny accompianied by cheesy curly fries, we meandered some more before the park closed and we left. We may possibly be returning next weekend, as it is the very last weekend for this season. :( Ah well, it was an excellent day! Even if I did get a little sunburnt.
We walked into the Festival and one of the first "characters" and people for that matter, that we see is Guido Crescendo, 1/2 of the team that makes up "The Swordsmen" whom we had seen before in WI at the Bristol Renaissance Faire. So one of the first things we did was see their show, since it was just about to start. It was a great way to start. They were WAY funnier than I remember them being. "What Ho!"
Then we continued to explore their faire grounds, as neither of us had been there before, and I stumbled upon leather mask shop where I bought a leather mask that was designed with an oak leaf over one eye and painted a brown color.
After that we continued to peruse and came across a clothing store called Boss Wench, where Jenny and I were fitted and then proceeded to purchase a pair of Underbust, steel boned corsets. (Mine is red, Jenny's is purple). (YAY!!!!!) (And while we were being fitted we got to {at least} hear the Pipers and Drums group that was there we believe all the way from Scotland) Then we walked to find something to drink because it was pretty hot outside. We saw lots of yummy men in tights :D Got to see a man dressed all in black (even a black hood) and a gold goblins mask (classical venetian style) play the Carillon Bells in an really cool, display
http://renfestival.com/index.php?page=entertainment
He was new to the faire this year. After that we located some beef stew served in bread bowls, and continued to meander. We saw a genteman play the glass harmonica, a hammer dulcimer, a Irish quartet that played drums, guitar, bodhran and sang... I love the music that you get to experience at a Ren Faire.
One of the places we stopped (of course) was an armory, where everything they make they forge. It was pretty dark cool. I got to hold a mongolian blade that was designed to take off a rider's headafter while on horseback, and jenny got to hold a more asian (as in Kitana feeling) blade that I forget the name. I also got complimented by one of the male clerks. Apparently he had been giving me the once over and when I correctly handed the female clerk back the sword, he said "madam, I approve." To which I said, thank you.
After a Woodchuck (on draft) and a Harps beer for Jenny accompianied by cheesy curly fries, we meandered some more before the park closed and we left. We may possibly be returning next weekend, as it is the very last weekend for this season. :( Ah well, it was an excellent day! Even if I did get a little sunburnt.
Monday, October 3, 2011
Fall = Pie Season
So, I am getting ready to make pies for a local church's silent auction. I signed up on my very first sunday attending. It's a small United Methodist church in Marengo, OH and I felt very welcomed my first sunday. And my 2nd as well. Anyway, I signed up to make 2 pies for them for their men's hog roast dinner. Well, that's this saturday...so that means I may be making pies while doped up on codene :D Because I am getting my broken wisdom tooth pulled on Wednesday.
So at this point I am going to make (probably) a total of 3 pies: (because Jenny wants one for us to enjoy).
At this point I am debating over Apple or Pumpkin for one of the pies. The other is going to be a pecan...either that or I'll end up with 4 pies, and take 3 to the church and do 1 Apple, 1 Pumpkin & 2 Pecan...
This is fun! I pulled out my favorite cookbook last night to find the recipes and see what I would need for their "never fail pie crust" (It lives up to it's name).
Right now I'm in the listing mode, and I'll probably go and buy ingredients tomorrow. I also need to find at least 3 disposable pie tins (which is proving hard to find without a pre-made pie crust in it already...) (and I don't do pre-made crusts. I make my own!)
So on the list we have:
Butter
Molasses
Vanilla
Flour
Pecan Halves & Pieces
Sugar
1 Can Pumpkin (15oz)
1 can Condensed Milk (14oz)
Ground Cinnamon
Ground Nutmeg
Ground Ginger
Disposable Pie tins
Vinegar
and 6 large Granny Smith or Jonathan Apples
So at this point I am going to make (probably) a total of 3 pies: (because Jenny wants one for us to enjoy).
At this point I am debating over Apple or Pumpkin for one of the pies. The other is going to be a pecan...either that or I'll end up with 4 pies, and take 3 to the church and do 1 Apple, 1 Pumpkin & 2 Pecan...
This is fun! I pulled out my favorite cookbook last night to find the recipes and see what I would need for their "never fail pie crust" (It lives up to it's name).
Right now I'm in the listing mode, and I'll probably go and buy ingredients tomorrow. I also need to find at least 3 disposable pie tins (which is proving hard to find without a pre-made pie crust in it already...) (and I don't do pre-made crusts. I make my own!)
So on the list we have:
Butter
Molasses
Vanilla
Flour
Pecan Halves & Pieces
Sugar
1 Can Pumpkin (15oz)
1 can Condensed Milk (14oz)
Ground Cinnamon
Ground Nutmeg
Ground Ginger
Disposable Pie tins
Vinegar
and 6 large Granny Smith or Jonathan Apples
Sunday, October 2, 2011
A Sneak Peak
I will be unveiling more details about this as November comes closer. During the month of November I have been (for the last several years) attempting the mad challenge that is National Novel Write Month. What that is, is sitting down and attempting to write a 50,000 word novel in 30 days. To this date I have not succeeded in my attempts. My closest was reaching the 50,000 mark 2 weeks late.
Anyway this year I am taking a challenge handing to me by my sister-in-love, Katie, to write a story geared for my Niece and Nephews (10, 8 & 7). And so I decided to pull a "Lewis Carroll" and write a story about my Niece and Nephews. So, they are and will be my MC's (main characters). Anyway, the rules of NaNoWriMo state that you can do your planning in advance but you are not allowed to put "pen to paper" (so to speak), until November 1st. So, I have begun my pre-planning. And for me that involves drawing pictures of my country, naming things, drawing pictures of my MC's and other characters in the story.
So, here is a little sneak peak at "Promethia's Children,"
Here is the Island Nation of Promethia.
And here is Princess Carissa (approximately age 17-18 in the story)
Her brother, Prince Nicholas.
Her other younger brother, Prince Andrew.
And the Lady who becomes a good friend of her's, Lady Tanya Magnus
I hope you like the pictures. And remember this is just a sneak peak. I sincerely hope and plan to post much more about the story come November!
Anyway this year I am taking a challenge handing to me by my sister-in-love, Katie, to write a story geared for my Niece and Nephews (10, 8 & 7). And so I decided to pull a "Lewis Carroll" and write a story about my Niece and Nephews. So, they are and will be my MC's (main characters). Anyway, the rules of NaNoWriMo state that you can do your planning in advance but you are not allowed to put "pen to paper" (so to speak), until November 1st. So, I have begun my pre-planning. And for me that involves drawing pictures of my country, naming things, drawing pictures of my MC's and other characters in the story.
So, here is a little sneak peak at "Promethia's Children,"
I hope you like the pictures. And remember this is just a sneak peak. I sincerely hope and plan to post much more about the story come November!
Friday, September 30, 2011
Summer's Gone: Fall Has Come
I have arrived in Ohio. And apparently, I brought the fall with me. I have been here for about a week and a half now. I am settling in, finding my way about and trying to find a job.
For a while at least, I'll have a part time job with Jenny's sister-in-law babysitting 3 days a week for her 3 year old, Santi and her 1 month old Ayden. So that's a bit of a relief. And while I haven't had much experience with infants to date, there's always a first time.
I have put in 2 applications and at this point haven't heard back from either one. And Jenny is very pessimistic about my hearing back, which makes it hard for me to not be pessimistic. I know that my previous employers will give me good references, I'm not worried about that. I just don't know what my competition is, since I'm in a larger demographic now.
I went in to see an Oral Surgeon today about getting my broken wisdom tooth pulled. I have the surgery set up for Wednesday at 11am. This is the first kind of surgery I have ever had and I'll be under anesthetic so I'm a little nervous, though I know I'll be just fine. I've stocked up on jello and pudding. Now I just need to get some popsicles & Ice cream and I'll be good to go.
Other than that, I'm starting to look forward to November already. It'll be Nanowrimo, and I'm getting excited for this years book. Its going to be for Carissa, Nick & Andrew...sort of in the line of Lewis Carroll writing Alice in Wonderland for a young girl named Alice. I'm hoping to have a lot of fun with it!
Anyhow, that's my life right now. Please keep me in your prayers about my tooth surgery and about finding a more full time job. And thank Jenny's In-Laws for helping me to get the tooth taken care of! Well, it's late and I should head to bed.
Good night all... As I've recited to myself several times lately:
"The time has come, the Walrus Said, to talk of many things. Of shoes and ships and ceiling wax, of cabbages and kings. And why the sea is boiling hot, and whether pigs have wings...."
For a while at least, I'll have a part time job with Jenny's sister-in-law babysitting 3 days a week for her 3 year old, Santi and her 1 month old Ayden. So that's a bit of a relief. And while I haven't had much experience with infants to date, there's always a first time.
I have put in 2 applications and at this point haven't heard back from either one. And Jenny is very pessimistic about my hearing back, which makes it hard for me to not be pessimistic. I know that my previous employers will give me good references, I'm not worried about that. I just don't know what my competition is, since I'm in a larger demographic now.
I went in to see an Oral Surgeon today about getting my broken wisdom tooth pulled. I have the surgery set up for Wednesday at 11am. This is the first kind of surgery I have ever had and I'll be under anesthetic so I'm a little nervous, though I know I'll be just fine. I've stocked up on jello and pudding. Now I just need to get some popsicles & Ice cream and I'll be good to go.
Other than that, I'm starting to look forward to November already. It'll be Nanowrimo, and I'm getting excited for this years book. Its going to be for Carissa, Nick & Andrew...sort of in the line of Lewis Carroll writing Alice in Wonderland for a young girl named Alice. I'm hoping to have a lot of fun with it!
Anyhow, that's my life right now. Please keep me in your prayers about my tooth surgery and about finding a more full time job. And thank Jenny's In-Laws for helping me to get the tooth taken care of! Well, it's late and I should head to bed.
Good night all... As I've recited to myself several times lately:
"The time has come, the Walrus Said, to talk of many things. Of shoes and ships and ceiling wax, of cabbages and kings. And why the sea is boiling hot, and whether pigs have wings...."
Friday, July 15, 2011
My (so called) Gypsy Summer
As some of you may know, we sold our farm in Monticello, WI at the end of May. I left "Home" for the last time on May 27th, driving up to Fort Wilderness, a Christian family camp outside of Rhinelander, WI. I attended their staff orientation weekend and then drove back down-state to West Chicago to my brother & sister-in-love's house.
After a day there I proceeded then to drive to the Peoria, IL area to see my two grandma's and have dinner with my Aunt & Uncle. I had a great visit with them both, staying with my Maternal grandmother, who we call Grandma Mrs and going to see the local outdoor theatre (Cornstock) perform the usical "Cats" by Andrew Lloyd Weber. They a fantastic job!
After about a week I drove back to West Chicago where I spent another week. I assisted my Sister-in-love, Katie with the kids and went to the pool with them, where I got my first sunburn of the summer.
Upon the completion of that week, it was June 10th and it was time to report back to Fort Wilderness where I would stay for the next 4 weeks.
I worked in their Nature Center for the first week, which was a camp called "step up!" and it was for junior high students. The rest of the summer, the site I was at hosts family camps, specifically.
My second week I was "drafted" into the kitchen. They had had a cook cancel (many of their staff are voulnteers, some come up just for the weekends, and some for a week, some like me for a month and some for the whole summer) and my friend Kayleen asked if I would fill in.
My second day in the kitchen, Janet (the food services director) asked me if I wanted to stay. (apparently I did something right ;D ) So I stayed, as another voulnteer had shown up that was a great fit for the nature center.
I loved the family atmosphere, and the great fellowship. I ended up being the baker, and so I would bake all of the deserts for the day in the morning and then help the others with lunch and dinner. It was truly a great experience.
When my last week came to a close, I re-packed everything into my very full car (just before some of the summer maintenance staff accidentally cut the power lines to my buiding while digging a post hole for a fence) and drove south, once more.
My drive back to West Chicago was a relatively uneventful one, until I hit Rockford. I had opted to take an alternate route than 90, and of course, I got turned around SEVERAL times, just getting to my chosen route. Then a van pulled in front of me, stopped to turn...and I (literally) almost rear ended them. It was a very close thing. Well, that shook m up a good bit. I had one more Ooops, not turning when 20 and 72 split, but I just pulled out my handy-dandy atlas and found a road that connected them and was able to get back on 20.
I spent Saturday at my brother's, doing laundry, repacking, leaving behind what I didn't need to bring to Houston, TX with me, and watching my nephews play Wii. They had some running around to do, but I remained at the house, and watched Top Gear (my new favorite {British} Car Show) (I'm starting way back at season 2, they are currently on season 10).
Sunday morning, we got up early and Dan, Mom my niece Carissa and I all drove (well, Dan drove, we rode) to Midway International Airport. I felt like I was completely unprepared as I came into the airport and went through security. I felt like I was holding the whole line up. Well, I made it through. They decided that I wasn't a terrorist that was going to bomb the plane and allowed me to head to my gate. Once though, I had a bit of a scare, when the Bank of America ATM's wouldn't read my debit card. Then, I went to my gate and pulled out "A Secret Garden," since I've been re-reading it. I read that all through out the flight, and landed 10 minutes ahead of schedule. After claiming my luggage, Uncle John and Cousin Scott met me and we drove to a restaurant called Papasitos, where we had Lunch with Aunt Candy. I had my first tamale and enchilada. They were delicioso.
So, now I have been in Houston almost a week. I have driven my cousins Heather & Holly to their VBS at the 2nd Baptist Chuch of Houston (Which is huge, and apparently the 1st Baptist is even bigger, Uncle John says they have an Olympic sized swimming pool), and yesterday I drove Scott to the library where Ronald McDonald was doing a magic show as part of their summer reading program. I live in a little "apartment" above their garage, which has just about everything that I would need; bathroom, queen sized bed, air conditioner, mini-fridge & microwave, couch & chair, a cavernous dresser (that someone on my Mom's side of the family made) a small TV, etc. It's my Ivory Tower, though I guess, white tower would be more accurate, though less poetic.
I can tell that some days are going to be diffcult. The girls love to watch Disney Channel, and would all day if they could. Which Mom and Dad don't want. They don't pick up after themselves well, and are testing me to see how far they can push me to get what they want. (sigh) If the television is on, they are as bad at listening as I am, but if you try to turn it off....goodness gracious are they champion pouters. But then, the girls are 8, and Scott is 4. It seems to be a phase that everyone goes through.
I will try to continue to update my Gypsy Summer as it goes. Right now, I am "engaged" in this position until the kids go back to school at the end of August. Then, I will probably spend Memorial Day with my family, and then drive out to my new home, with my good friend Jenny in tiny Marengo, OH (it's North of Columbus).
But for now, we are going to circus on Sunday, and I need to ask about going to church on Sunday morning (I would kinda like to go by myself. I haven't had much "me" time this week, except for when I head back to my Ivory tower in the evenings. The girls have even said something about a trip to the ocean (which I'm super excited about) and another trip to a hotel resort thingy they call "The Meadows" So it will be an exciting and eventful 6-7 weeks that I am here.
After a day there I proceeded then to drive to the Peoria, IL area to see my two grandma's and have dinner with my Aunt & Uncle. I had a great visit with them both, staying with my Maternal grandmother, who we call Grandma Mrs and going to see the local outdoor theatre (Cornstock) perform the usical "Cats" by Andrew Lloyd Weber. They a fantastic job!
After about a week I drove back to West Chicago where I spent another week. I assisted my Sister-in-love, Katie with the kids and went to the pool with them, where I got my first sunburn of the summer.
Upon the completion of that week, it was June 10th and it was time to report back to Fort Wilderness where I would stay for the next 4 weeks.
I worked in their Nature Center for the first week, which was a camp called "step up!" and it was for junior high students. The rest of the summer, the site I was at hosts family camps, specifically.
My second week I was "drafted" into the kitchen. They had had a cook cancel (many of their staff are voulnteers, some come up just for the weekends, and some for a week, some like me for a month and some for the whole summer) and my friend Kayleen asked if I would fill in.
My second day in the kitchen, Janet (the food services director) asked me if I wanted to stay. (apparently I did something right ;D ) So I stayed, as another voulnteer had shown up that was a great fit for the nature center.
I loved the family atmosphere, and the great fellowship. I ended up being the baker, and so I would bake all of the deserts for the day in the morning and then help the others with lunch and dinner. It was truly a great experience.
When my last week came to a close, I re-packed everything into my very full car (just before some of the summer maintenance staff accidentally cut the power lines to my buiding while digging a post hole for a fence) and drove south, once more.
My drive back to West Chicago was a relatively uneventful one, until I hit Rockford. I had opted to take an alternate route than 90, and of course, I got turned around SEVERAL times, just getting to my chosen route. Then a van pulled in front of me, stopped to turn...and I (literally) almost rear ended them. It was a very close thing. Well, that shook m up a good bit. I had one more Ooops, not turning when 20 and 72 split, but I just pulled out my handy-dandy atlas and found a road that connected them and was able to get back on 20.
I spent Saturday at my brother's, doing laundry, repacking, leaving behind what I didn't need to bring to Houston, TX with me, and watching my nephews play Wii. They had some running around to do, but I remained at the house, and watched Top Gear (my new favorite {British} Car Show) (I'm starting way back at season 2, they are currently on season 10).
Sunday morning, we got up early and Dan, Mom my niece Carissa and I all drove (well, Dan drove, we rode) to Midway International Airport. I felt like I was completely unprepared as I came into the airport and went through security. I felt like I was holding the whole line up. Well, I made it through. They decided that I wasn't a terrorist that was going to bomb the plane and allowed me to head to my gate. Once though, I had a bit of a scare, when the Bank of America ATM's wouldn't read my debit card. Then, I went to my gate and pulled out "A Secret Garden," since I've been re-reading it. I read that all through out the flight, and landed 10 minutes ahead of schedule. After claiming my luggage, Uncle John and Cousin Scott met me and we drove to a restaurant called Papasitos, where we had Lunch with Aunt Candy. I had my first tamale and enchilada. They were delicioso.
So, now I have been in Houston almost a week. I have driven my cousins Heather & Holly to their VBS at the 2nd Baptist Chuch of Houston (Which is huge, and apparently the 1st Baptist is even bigger, Uncle John says they have an Olympic sized swimming pool), and yesterday I drove Scott to the library where Ronald McDonald was doing a magic show as part of their summer reading program. I live in a little "apartment" above their garage, which has just about everything that I would need; bathroom, queen sized bed, air conditioner, mini-fridge & microwave, couch & chair, a cavernous dresser (that someone on my Mom's side of the family made) a small TV, etc. It's my Ivory Tower, though I guess, white tower would be more accurate, though less poetic.
I can tell that some days are going to be diffcult. The girls love to watch Disney Channel, and would all day if they could. Which Mom and Dad don't want. They don't pick up after themselves well, and are testing me to see how far they can push me to get what they want. (sigh) If the television is on, they are as bad at listening as I am, but if you try to turn it off....goodness gracious are they champion pouters. But then, the girls are 8, and Scott is 4. It seems to be a phase that everyone goes through.
I will try to continue to update my Gypsy Summer as it goes. Right now, I am "engaged" in this position until the kids go back to school at the end of August. Then, I will probably spend Memorial Day with my family, and then drive out to my new home, with my good friend Jenny in tiny Marengo, OH (it's North of Columbus).
But for now, we are going to circus on Sunday, and I need to ask about going to church on Sunday morning (I would kinda like to go by myself. I haven't had much "me" time this week, except for when I head back to my Ivory tower in the evenings. The girls have even said something about a trip to the ocean (which I'm super excited about) and another trip to a hotel resort thingy they call "The Meadows" So it will be an exciting and eventful 6-7 weeks that I am here.
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