Why is it that periodically I get this great urge to run away. Literally. I want to move to ridiculous places. Places that either have a LOT of water like Canon Beach, OR or mountains like Black Mountain, NC...and most recently, Bayfield, WI. Which I guess could have a little of both, since it is near the Porcupine Mts.
I guess the most current one is not incredibly ridiculous. Ever since I visited there last summer with Jenny and Annalynn I felt that I would like to live there. It is an artsy, touristy town, right on the shores of Lake Superior. It has the ferry to Madeleine Island, and is in general...beautiful. What better place for someone like myself?
Well, that itch to run away has roused its head again. I've been thinking to the future, and the big questions. You know, the ones that ask: Where will I be in 5 years? What do I want to be doing in 5 years? Those questions that right now I have absolutely no answer to. Everything hinges on one things right now. One, incredibly important thing... My Father.
And maybe that is partly why the urge has reared its head again, the urge to run away from things which hurt, and frighten me. The get away and pretend it isn't happening. I don't know. But, the desire to live in Bayfield is a true one. Maybe I'll try to find a job there next summer (during Duluth's slow season). I could always come back on in October, just in time for Peak. Maybe I'm just crazy even contemplating this. I don't know.
I'm re-reading "Blue Castle" by L.M. Montgomery and parts of me really feel like the Heroine of the book, Valancy. Valancy is 29 when the book begins, a confirmed old maid with no prospects. (this part I don't feel is like me) she lives with her mother and a second cousin who do not love her and has had to know-tow to her relations all her life. She is a cowed, sad little creature. Then, she finds out she has a fatal heart condition. Her reaction changes her forever. She decides to live for her self and stop worrying about everyone else. She runs away to keep house for the town drunkard Roaring Abel, to take care of his daughter who is dying of consumption. From there she starts a whole new life.
I envy her the boldness to take her future (which she believes is limited) into her own hands and to take charge of her life.
I understand your fear of leaving your home (and Dad) and I understand how it oddly couples with your desire to leave it all. I've had that split mentality, too. However, I think if you don't stay and soak up as much time with him as you can, for as long as you have him (which MAY be another 30 years, God willing, or until Christ returns) especially when things are so fragile ... but if you sense the Lord is calling you away, then to STAY out of FEAR would be a sin ... so, it's tricky business, but I can feel where you're at.
ReplyDeleteAlso, Bayfield IS very charming. :)
Depending on what is happening and where we're at, wanna look for a summer job there with me next summer???
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